so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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