Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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