meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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