my phone needs a breathalizer
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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