two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
