just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
