just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
