I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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