Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Mom said you looked used
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We left the knife in your bed.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
