my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
