Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
