Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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