I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
