did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
