my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
