if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
