RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
