Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
