What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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