shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
