Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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