Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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