the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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