I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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