I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
nutella sex= disaster
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
