I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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