my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
