I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
