I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
