Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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