White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I met the friendliest cop last night
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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