i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
