it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
