He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
