my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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