Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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