fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
