She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
