I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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