i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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