I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
