i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
