Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
