Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
