i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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