At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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