Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
