I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
