I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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