I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
